I stumbled across this in my archives and it amused me, so I thought I’d share it again. You’re welcome…
A – Age: A gentleman never asks and a lady never tells. Ruuude.
B – Bed size: about the same as standing up size, I figure, though there’s probably a little unsightly spread.
C – Chore you hate: All of them. That’s why they’re called “chores” and not “pleasures.” Duh.
D – Dog’s names: For me? I have no earthly idea, though judging by their limited interests, overall, it’s probably something clever, like “ball,” “walkies” or “poop.”
E – Essential to start your day time: Waking up, for starters.
F – Favorite color: On me or on you, ‘cause girrrrrrrrrl, we gotta talk…
G – Gold or Silver: Depends on whether we’re talking werewolves or fish.
H – Height: To the moon, Alice.
I – Instruments you play: Instruments of doom, mostly… wait! Does the skin flute count?
J – Job title: Lord High Wubble of the Dimbleflox advance invasion force. Now that you know, you must die.
K – Kid(s): Grill(ed). Tasty with mango chutney and a squeeze of lime.
L – Living arrangement: It’ll do, this time around, I guess. I mean, it’s not bad. It could be worse. Immortality is overrated and, so far as I know, I’m not dead yet.
M – Mom’s name: When I’m happy with momma, or when I’m UNhappy with momma?
N – Nicknames: Nicholas, Nicodemus, Nicole, Nicolette, Nico, Nike, Nixon… that’s about all I can think of at the moment…
O – Overnight hospital stay other than birth: Huh. That’s a stumper. I think that’s the movie Philadelphia, translated into Japanese, then back into Engrish.
P – Pet Peeve: They’re not pets. Not really. More like rats, chewing away at the wiring and turning the human mind into a tinderbox of irrational unreasoning. They are kind of cute, though…
Q – Quote from a movie: “can we pause it? I have to pee…”
R – Right or left handed: I don’t believe in discrimination of any kind. Not even against THOSE people.
S – Siblings: Can’t live with ‘em, can’t grind ‘em into cat food and make prison canapes out of ‘em.
T – Time you wake up: That depends on Morpheus, though I haven’t decided whether to take the blue pill or the red pill. Don’t rush me.
U – Underwear: Overrated
V – Vegetable you dislike: That Stephen Hawking dude… what’s up with his voice, anyway? He sounds like an old-school Cylon. Wait… what? …oh…Oh…OH! Shit… never mind…
W – Ways you run late: Physical activity? Ew.
X – X-rays you’ve had: Do middle names count?
Y – Yummy food you make: Why, thank you. So kind you are.
Z – Zoo favorite: Watching monkeys flinging poo at the elderly. Cracks me up every time.