Apocalypse Today

The title of this article sounds to me like a news program that only relates catastrophic stories, with a we’re-gonna-survive-this vibe. Yeah, I know, basically every “news” program on the air, right now. It’s hard to really know what the truth is anymore. As I said before, media coverage of this pandemic has all the makings of a first-rate, retro, sci-fi, schlock feature film about the apocalypse. All that’s missing are the zombies.

So, is it the end times? Hard not to think so, what with all the stuff going on in the world, right now. Things that actually have nothing to do with Covid-19, although the media was somehow able to make a 5.7 earthquake in Utah a coronavirus story. They’re still working on a slant for the biblical plague of locusts currently ravaging Africa. Probably why we haven’t heard anything about it on CNN or Fox.

Has everybody already forgotten about the tornado that ripped through Nashville two weeks ago? Or that, in Latin America, deaths from the Dengue Fever outbreak have reached 3 million, which makes it even deadlier than Covid-19? There is also an oil price war brewing between Russia and Saudi Arabia, the Russians have passed a reform allowing Vladimir Putin to stay in power until 2036 and, just to amp up the end of the world mania, an asteroid is scheduled to pass dangerously close to Earth on April 22.

But not all the news is bad. In the United Kingdom, a second person has been cured of HIV, with a stem cell transplant. A fossil of the world’s smallest dinosaur was discovered trapped in Amber in Myanmar, the amber-encased-fossil capital of the world. And Harvey Weinstein will no longer be able to take advantage of the women in his employ, during this lifetime, anyway. Not earth shattering, but definitely news worthy, wouldn’t you say? Still, you shouldn’t expect to hear about any of these things, unless the media is able to find a way to make it about coronavirus.

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As for me, I’m just trying to survive the stupidity. I don’t know how things are where you live, but here in rural New Mexico, the people have lost their ever-lovin’ minds. I really shouldn’t be surprised. This state may not be the top choice for survivalist living (I think Montana may have that distinction), but it is in the top 3. Even so, how many rolls of toilet paper can you stuff into your underground bunker? Same goes for flour, sugar, eggs, meat, Hamburger Helper, Cocoa Puffs and probably condoms.

When this thing blows over, there are going to be a lot of angry people out there, cleaning out their basements and trying to get that spoiled meat and eggs smell out of the furniture. The toilet paper industry, on the other hand, will probably tank for a while – waiting until all those excess rolls are used up and people need to buy them again. I’m sure they’re hoping it won’t be more than six months. I’m guessing the Fed will bail them out at some point. We can’t do without our 4-ply, quilted anal scrubbers, after all.

If the madness does continue, we’re really gonna be in trouble. Supply centers can’t seem to keep up with the demand, right now. I imagine a whole black market springing up around “essentials.” People will use all that extra tp for barter. Even professionals will get in on the act. “You want to see the dentist? That’ll be 10 rolls of Charmin. We don’t accept the cheap stuff.” Meanwhile, el Jefe Naranjo will continue to tout his “tremendous control” over the situation. As you can see, even without zombies, this pandemic will continue to be a priority in the headlines.

So, I ask again, is it the end times? Because if it is, somebody needs to change the damn channel already.

 

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